At a party,someone asked me why im different.Why im different from my family especially from my sis and bros.Why i didn't achieve the valedictorian award when i was in grade 6 and all of my bros and sis did,nd that my mom and dad did too.And why i dont look like a fuckin sociallite like them.The reason is i dont think the idea of acting like bitchy(sociallite) appeals me.Im low grounded not like them.I was so fucked up that i gave that person a -s-i-g-h- and just walk away.Actually,it wasn't the first time i was treated like that.It's not the first time i was asked that shitty question.Don't they know how it feels like?I felt like i was a worthless piece of crap mistakenly dropped into their family tree,which i would like to call a fuckin"treasure chest".I'm like a dog shit pooped into the "treasure chest" and compiled with the gold bars(my family).I was like mistakenly created in my mother's womb.And im an accident fetus.
Ohh and there are lot of times when people say to me"woow your so lucky that you have that and this etc."And who am i talking about?EVERYONE.The saleslady,seller,workers,maids,drivers,neigbor,classmates,schoolmates,friends and many many more.>x(.It's not easy to be me.And everytime i say that,did you think they believe me?UH.HELL NO.
They dont know hows it like to be me.Do they know how it feels like to be me?No they dont.They dont even know a single thing about me.Do they know who's the one always laughed at parties that me and my family attended to?Uh i think her name is M-A-R-I-E J-O-Y or for short M-E. And who's the laughing stock of all reunions because of my goth lolita fashion and my music?M-E.TSSSK!>X(.And all the other events which id like to call "THE FORCES OF THE EVIL NATION"."WHO THE HELL IS THAT?"."IS SHE NORMAL?" "WTF,SHES WEIRD" "WHAT IS SHE WEARING?"that's 4 of all the common things i hear when the bitches whispers.And of course the "IS THAT JOY?" "IS THAT REALLY YOUR DAUGHTER?" "IS THAT WHAT UR SISTER HAD BCUM?" "WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR SISTER/DAUGHTER?" i hear those fuckin shitty chitchats with my parents and siblings and all of their poisonous shit-talkers.There are lot of things that they say to my family about me being DIFFERENT.And the worst of it is when they say,oh your the youngest DENILA HUH?DENILA.DENILA.DENILA.What's up with denila?I don't even know an actress,highclass people,rich people,a legend named DENILA.And for me,DENILA IS NOT FAMOUS.BUT FOR THE PEOPLE I CAME ACROSS IN PARTIES,EVENTS,REUNIONS,BIRTHDAYS and all my family waste time on it is.DUH?!I HAVE A FIRST NAME!The only names that i think famous in philippines is elizalde,araneta and aquino.THERE's NO D-E-N-I-L-A there.It troubles my mind always lately.I think my family name is known for being kind i guess?But im definitely sure that its not because were rich cause were not rich.WERE MIDDLE-CLASSED.=).And im fuckin getting sick of it.Living behind my family's shadow.And who makes me feel like that?First of all,FAMILY MEMBERS.Second the party people we come across.MY FAMILY FRIENDS.MY SIS AND BROS FRIENDS.RELATIVES.ETC.What cures me is St.james.I have friends there that didnt treated me that way.
And what i really hate with my family is they dont have the belief of me for having the capacity to do something wise.Like i can never suceed or i can never do anything.Like i was a fool and dont have any brains.Like when they enrolled me in vocals lessons when i was 8 or 9 year old.And the piano lessons,guitar,skateboarding and my grades in schoolwork.Well i admit that i havent beein that serious in all of those lessons and schoolwork.I dunno why but my interest rather fades quickly.The only thing ive been serious about is playing the guitar.Oh and schoolwork?I have 0% interest in those.The reason why i took those lessons cause they wont teach me how to.They think that i have no chance in understanding it or im sooo stupid to waste time teaching and im a 0% brain type of person.They didn't really treated me that way since lately i had my first line of 7 in card.DUH?Don't they fuckin know how hard my math-i is?And my A.P-i?Sila kaya magmemorize ng mga pulo-pulo sa mundo ha?I was 78 in card for math and ap.I was crying so hard and they?They laugh so hard on the fone that their tummys ache.My mom and dad was so angry at the fone too.And that's when i start living a more MISERABLE LIFE.
I almost forgot.Lemme tell you something about judging people.They thought i cant handle what im going into.What im heading for.AHAHA.They didnt even had any 5% belief in me.ME ABOUT BEING DUMB now?Karma hits them.Who was the reason that my family holds the o7-08 champion for the yearly debates that my family is a fan of and obviously im not.Its held at westin phil.plaza for families blahblahs.The championship round was won by ME!ME!ME!ME!ME!I forgot what the topic was about.The judges that they were impressed by my perfect diction,point of view,and choice of words.AHAHA.My family was soo soo surprised.WHO YOU CALLING STUPID NOW HUH?Oh and me about playing the piano?Uh.Who performed for the entermission number requested by the crowd?ME!ME!ONLY ME!AHAHA.And the person who has the most"no belief" in me was my brother.He tells me that i have no gutts.I have nothing.I have no talent.I dont even had a chance to play the guitar,piano and i can never be an expert in computer.Puro lang daw ako porma.Lagi lang daw ako nagfefeeliing.And guess who asked me to teach his band the COVER songs?HIM.Everysingle one of my family thinks that when im using the computer,i only sign in to friendster,ym and stuff.And they even said to me "feeling mo magaling ka magcomputer".AHAHAHA.Guess who taught them all how to hack their enemy's accounht?ME!ME!ME!ME!WTF.ANO NAGFFEELING AKO HA?AHAHA.KARMA GOES AROUND.I mean of all the people that must have the hundred percent belief in me should be them.I should hear praises and words that will force me to continue fighting not criticizements,hurtful words,negative vibes,and things that may cause me weakness.I WAS WEAK BECAUSE OF THEM.BUT I GREW STRONGER THAN EVER AHAHA.
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